One of my goals for 2019 is to learn more about who I am, what makes me happy (or unhappy), and how to be a better person in general. I am often my own worst critic, and social media has done nothing but increase my level of insecurity.
Towards the end of January, I started to minimize the amount of time that I spent on social media, but Facebook in particular. (While I have Instagram and Twitter accounts, Facebook is the account I’ve had the longest and am most comfortable using.) I was that person who, the first thing I did in the morning, was to grab my phone and open my Facebook app. Anytime I had a free moment, I was on Facebook. It was absolutely ridiculous the amount of time I
spent wasted on Facebook.
While I often used the excuse that this was the way to keep my friends and family informed of what is going on in my life, I had to be honest and admit that I spent more time exploring what others were doing in their lives and how my life was seeming inadequate. I love to see others succeed, I honestly do. I will support others as much as I can and be their biggest cheerleaders. However, I often got discouraged because no one “liked” my posts/photos, but someone else could post the same thing, and “everyone” likes/loves their post. I often felt, why am I not good enough to garner more likes or support? It went so far that I began to question whether I truly have friends, or if people really consider me to be their friend. It made me second guess my worth. I know it sounds ridiculous to base my worth on how many likes I get on a photo or a post, but if you have never struggled with self-esteem and self-worth issues, I do not expect that you would understand. As a people-pleaser, I often negate my feelings/desires to keep those around me happy, even if it makes me unhappy. I have always wanted to be accepted – which I think we all desire that on some level – and have often left others to decide what acceptance looked like.
My challenge for the month of February is to detox from social media. While I cannot delete or deactivate my accounts (because they are linked to my non-profit), I have removed the Facebook app from my phone because I am too lazy to take the time to log in via the internet to access my account. Plus, I don’t have to worry about being obsessed each time I see a notification (which unfortunately were usually only to inform me of events my friends were attending). I still jump on Instagram and Twitter occasionally, but thankfully, I am not “addicted” to those platforms. I am hoping that by the end of the month, I will be able to get on Facebook and not feel the need to compare myself to others or base my worth on how many likes I get.