March Madness

I am normally super excited for the month March for a couple of reasons:

  1. My birthday is in March and I tend to celebrate the ENTIRE month!
  2. I love college basketball, so I enjoy having multiple NCAA brackets going during March Madness
  3. I usually have a week off work to enjoy my birthday and spring break with my children.

This year, things are going a little differently. I am a little bummed that I will not be able to travel this year for my birthday. However, my oldest son will be on spring break at the same time as my youngest son, which also happens to be the week of my birthday, so I get to spend some much-needed mother/son time.

A few days before my next session in school began, I made the decision to change my degree plan. I am no longer pursuing a nurse practitioner degree (at this time) but rather going the public health route, since that is more in line with my nonprofit work. It requires fewer practicum hours, which I need at this point in my life as I still have a young child at home, plus work full time, plus still trying to run my nonprofit. I recognize that I am not superwoman and that I want to spend time with my children as much as possible.

I have known that I needed counseling and coaching but have always found an excuse to not pursue the options. I have had a life coach for a couple of weeks now, and the sessions are going okay. The homework is challenging at times, but it helps me to get to the root of some of my issues. You know you truly need counseling when your life coach recognizes you need one. LOL. I finally took the step to contact an area practice and filled out the initial intake paperwork. Now, I am just awaiting the initial visit. I am really hoping I will “gel” with this therapist because I am not sure if I have it in me to go through the process all over again.

Basically, I feel like I am having the “crisis” I expected to experience last year when I turned 40 that didn’t happen. This is probably the most reflective I have been about my life. I just want to get to the place where I can enjoy the good things in my life for longer than a few minutes. I want to live the best life possible and savor each moment. I run on auto-pilot so often, that I often forget to relish the sun on my skin, or smell the roses, or enjoy a leisurely stroll down the street.

My goal for this year is to be intentional about achieving happiness in all areas of my life.

Ready or Not, 2019 is Here…

I have been so negligent of this blog.  There are several reasons why, one being that I have been super busy with my non-profit and the other, I have been in an emotional funk for a few months.

There have been some pretty amazing things that happened in 2018:

  • I started a non-profit, Defense Against Diabetes, Facebook,
  • Working full time & maintaining a 4.0 GPA in grad school,
  • My oldest child graduated from high school & started college,
  • My daughter had her sweet 16,
  • I ran my first 1/2 marathon,
  • I bought a new car,
  • Had a successful first fundraiser, and
  • I formed some new friendships within the community as a result of my non-profit.

Yet, I still often feel/felt unfulfilled, inept, and not good enough.

As the year was drawing near a close, I started doing some soul-searching because I did not want to continue being bogged down with negative energy (most of which was self-inflicted) in the new year.  I am still on this journey of discovering where some of my deep-seated fears and anxiety stem from so that I can find a way to resolve those issues and continue on my journey of being the best me I can be.

I recently listened to “Girl, Wash Your Face” via Audible (because who has time to sit and actually READ a book?).  I really enjoyed the book and will actually purchase it because it made me think about some things that I have unresolved in my life that are the basis for why I push myself as hard as I do.  I totally related to the author on several fronts.

I am considering eliciting the help of a therapist as well as a life coach to help sort through the things I am aware of but have avoided dealing with, but also to discover the things that I never considered that have influenced me.  While the thought of this all is scary, I know that I have to do it, if I am ever going to be truly happy.  No one else has the power to make me happy, that is a decision I have to make on my own.  I have to learn more about me and figure out what makes me happy.

Cheers to the new year and the new me!