March Madness

I am normally super excited for the month March for a couple of reasons:

  1. My birthday is in March and I tend to celebrate the ENTIRE month!
  2. I love college basketball, so I enjoy having multiple NCAA brackets going during March Madness
  3. I usually have a week off work to enjoy my birthday and spring break with my children.

This year, things are going a little differently. I am a little bummed that I will not be able to travel this year for my birthday. However, my oldest son will be on spring break at the same time as my youngest son, which also happens to be the week of my birthday, so I get to spend some much-needed mother/son time.

A few days before my next session in school began, I made the decision to change my degree plan. I am no longer pursuing a nurse practitioner degree (at this time) but rather going the public health route, since that is more in line with my nonprofit work. It requires fewer practicum hours, which I need at this point in my life as I still have a young child at home, plus work full time, plus still trying to run my nonprofit. I recognize that I am not superwoman and that I want to spend time with my children as much as possible.

I have known that I needed counseling and coaching but have always found an excuse to not pursue the options. I have had a life coach for a couple of weeks now, and the sessions are going okay. The homework is challenging at times, but it helps me to get to the root of some of my issues. You know you truly need counseling when your life coach recognizes you need one. LOL. I finally took the step to contact an area practice and filled out the initial intake paperwork. Now, I am just awaiting the initial visit. I am really hoping I will “gel” with this therapist because I am not sure if I have it in me to go through the process all over again.

Basically, I feel like I am having the “crisis” I expected to experience last year when I turned 40 that didn’t happen. This is probably the most reflective I have been about my life. I just want to get to the place where I can enjoy the good things in my life for longer than a few minutes. I want to live the best life possible and savor each moment. I run on auto-pilot so often, that I often forget to relish the sun on my skin, or smell the roses, or enjoy a leisurely stroll down the street.

My goal for this year is to be intentional about achieving happiness in all areas of my life.

How to let go?

I came across the quote above while reading a commentary.  As someone who is loyal to a fault, I have a hard time walking away from people, even when I know they mean me no good.  I like to think that everyone is “redeemable” and that I have it in ME, to “fix” them.  (That is really arrogant of me, huh?). I have often thought that I had enough love to heal all wounds.  One would think that after being hurt time and time again, that I would learn to walk away sooner.  I often stay in unhealthy relationships (platonic and romantic) for way too long, and if I am brutally honest, it is usually the other person walking away that causes things to end.  I have stayed at jobs that I hated because I didn’t want to upset anyone or leave my co-workers in a bind, despite not being respected or appreciated.  I have let “friends” use and abuse me and let men take advantage of my body and my kindness.  I have to learn to teach people how to treat me – people will only do what they are allowed to do.

While I do not know that I will ever stop being a kind-hearted person who wants to see everyone succeed, I am going to work on learning to walk away sooner and accept that I no longer serve a purpose in that individual’s life, and that is okay.

I challenge you to also learn to let go of any unhealthy relationships that may be hindering your progress.